Jaden Jordan
- Mar 5, 2020
- 2 min read

Lords of Salem (2012)

Updated: Aug 3, 2021

The Breakdown: A Salem resident finds herself in a nightmarish fever dream after receiving a strange record from a band titled after a famous coven of Witches from the early days of Salem.

Watch If: You like Rob Zombie's particular brand of erotic hallucinogenic nightmare.

Not If: Over the top bizzarro shit ruins things for you.

SECONDARY FACTS

Overall Rating: 2.8

Length: 1:41

Country: USA, UK, Canada

Language: English

REVIEW

THE QUICK AND DIRTY

I legitimately enjoyed the first half of this film. That is, of course, a detriment, as it made the second half that much harder to handle. This interesting premise descends down a black hole that destroys any semblance of cohesion or atmosphere that the film might have had.

PREMISE:4

While I'm not a big fan of exploiting real life tragedies, I do like the idea that somewhere among the witches of Salem there may have been a real one, and witches cursed are always a fun place for horror. In short, the general setup and idea of this film is engaging and down right fun.

ACTING:4

With the exception of typecasting and the ever incestuous "cast your family in your movies" trope, I really can't fault any of the acting in this film. Bruce Davidson, in particular, delivered a believable and compelling performance that made his character easily the most compelling one in the film. Everyone, in fact, in the film did a fine, if not excellent job.

AUDIO AND VISUALS:3

The framing in this film, at least for the first half, is incredible. The way Zombie manages to call attention, and plant callbacks and reference imagery in the film is, frankly, masterful. But the further the film progresses, the more of this mastery gets lost in muddy, crust-rock orgy hyperbole, loosing a lot of the horror and mysticism and turning into more of a 2005 Korn music video.

ATMOSPHERE:1

The second half of the film might as well be a different film. The switch from cohesive film to diatribe, while clearly intentional, is too sudden, and the imagery looses its reference points. Now, to be fair, this style of masturbatory art-house bachanalia is not my thing, but I don't have to be in your lane to tell when you're driving badly in it. It shifts quickly from "ah, fever dream" into "what... does that have to do with anything." And honestly, the ofer all effect makes me thing that Rob Zombie just ham-fisted a bunch`of the cutting room floor jetsam from his music career into the end of the film.

DELIVERY:2

This film could have been good. Instead, Rob Zombie had to take out his dick and rub it all over everything. Honestly, it feels like Rob Zombie used his "personal style" as a way to half-ass something that could have awesome, instead of using it to enhance the film.