Jaden Jordan
- Mar 15, 2020
- 4 min read

7 Witches (2017)

Updated: Aug 3, 2021

The Breakdown: Things get weird when a family gathering coincides with a witch clan's vengeance on an old town?

Watch If: You want some shots of food that might make you puke.

Not If: You want a story that makes sense.

SECONDARY FACTS

Overall Rating: 1.8

Length: 1:15

Country: USA

Language: English

REVIEW

THE QUICK AND DIRTY

This film is a confusing mess of parts that neither compliment nor even really make sense together.

PREMISE:3

So the general idea of a family wedding coinciding with a witch-clan's revenge is cool. Unfortunately, its the execution that falls apart. In fact, there are so many things trying to happen in this movie, that I'm not entirely sure what story the creators were trying to tell.

They start by establishing a general happening, but then more and more of the plot contorts, until its incredibly difficult to tell what was happening.

Now, if you've read enough of my stuff, you'll know that I have no real problem with not knowing whats going on, as long as that's what the filmmakers were trying to do. And in this case, I'm fairly sure that they thought there was a clear story in there.

ACTING:2

So there's great trend, especially in horror, where they cast actors that almost look like someone super famous, and to be honest, I find it hilarious. There are so many actors in this film that I was trying to place, but it turns out I didn't know any of them.

I am, in no way, and acting pedigree elitist. In fact, I think horror is one of those rare genres where unknown actors actually aid the tone of the film. I tend to find that super famous actors in horror movies can break the suspension of disbelief. (Not all the time, obviously.)

But there are so many good actors out there, and based on this film alone, I wouldn't call any of the actors talented. Now, before you get the pitchforks, the reason I feel comfortable saying that, is that I do believe that, with some direction, most of them could be pretty damn good. For example, Lorraine Montez is also in The Taking of Debra Logan, and she did a phenomenal job in that one.

I think the issue with the acting in this film is that, most of the actors are widely unknown. That doesn't mean that the problem is that they aren't A-listers, but rather that they're still getting the hang of their skills, and I'm quite sure that most of the parts where the acting falls flat is a combination of bad acting and the actors themselves getting absolutely no real or good direction from the director. And they also had the cringe-worthy script to contend with.

To be honest, I'm not sure there's an actor alive that could have done well in this film. So as far as 7 Witches goes, not a win in the acting department, but not the kind of loss that should be used to assess the skills of the actors.

AUDIO AND VISUALS:2

The scene to scene editing in this film is a mess, but there are certain scenes that are viscerally uncomfortable. The problem is that confusion will always outweigh discomfort, and the scenes that are jarring, while by the end they makes sense, are sprinkled throughout the film with little to no reasoning, and it makes those scenes (mostly food shots) feel like their only purpose is to make the audience puke.

I am not a fan of gross-out flicks, and to put anything in a movie for the exclusive purpose of grossing people out is lazy. The problem with 7 Witches, is that these scenes are far and away the most compelling, and objectively effective shots.

There are other aesthetically pleasing moments, but the sheer chaos of the editing makes it impossible to take any of the film seriously. So many scenes are bizarrely juxtaposed, to the point where more often than not, you have no idea of the character's positions to one en other, or who can see whom, or any... basic direction, really.

And for gods sake. You cannot just put a dark color filter over a shot clearly filmed in bright-ass daylight and expect to pass it off as nighttime.

ATMOSPHERE:1

Mmmm. No. There isn't one. In order to have atmosphere, you need any semblance of tone, but this film is all over the place. The only atmosphere they manage to encapsulate is confusion and mild disgust.

DELIVERY:1

7 Witches is a strange little film dripping with its own lack of experience. It seems uncertain of its tone and its story, and the writing is disjointed and cobbled together. There are some scenes that imply that someone working on this knew how to manipulate the audience, but the film as a whole is a mess.